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Post by gato on May 22, 2020 9:50:06 GMT -5
Discussion of The Shining raised for me, ye olde spectre of re-casting roles in movies.
The Shining:
Starring the Three Stooges. Moe as hard drinking Jack, Larry cross dressing as the missus and Curly poking himself in the eye with his redrum finger. ("Here's Johnny, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck!")
Tombstone:
Kevin Spacey as Wyatt, Don Knotts as Johnny Ringo, Chris Rock as Doc Holiday ("I'm your MF-ing daisy, yo!")
Top Gun:
Willy Nelson as Maverick (holes drilled in his flight helmet for the pigtails) Gene Wilder as Goose
Silence of the Lambs:
Jackie Gleason as Lechter ("watch out, Clarice ... bang! Zoom!") Tyler Perry as 300 lb FBI agent Clarice Starling
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Post by Taildragger on May 22, 2020 10:08:54 GMT -5
"Dr. No":
Regis Philbin as Bond. Art Carney as Dr. No. Ruth Bussey as Honey Ryder. Something tells me that the franchise might not have attained immortality the way it did.
"Dirty Harry"
Herbert "Tiny Tim" Khaury as Harry.
(in a quavering falsetto): "I know what you're thinking: 'Does it have six strings or only four?' Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I've kinda lost track myself. But being this is a koa wood ukelele, the most powerful musical instrument in the world, and would blow your ears clean out, you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do you...punk?"
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Post by Auf Kiltre on May 22, 2020 10:18:20 GMT -5
Grumpy Old Men starring Keith Richards and Ozzie Osborne.
With English subtitles.
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Post by Taildragger on May 22, 2020 10:33:16 GMT -5
"Alien"
A murderous, highly evolved capybara roams the Earth-bound ore freighter "Nostromo", stealthily picking off the crew's fresh fruits and vegetables one at a time. When attacked, it makes silly barking noises and sprays acidic urine, caustic enough to dissolve hull plating. Eventually, the entire crew dies of scurvy, except for the cagey Lieutenant Ripley (played by Kelly Clarkson) who lures the alien into an airlock with a song and a watermelon and ejects it into the vacuum of space.
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Post by gato on May 22, 2020 10:38:58 GMT -5
Good, Bad and the Ugly:
Starring the Three Amigos, Steve Martin, Chevy Chase and Martin Short.
Martin is Blondie, Chevy Chase as Angel Eyes and Short as Tuco.
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Post by Taildragger on May 22, 2020 10:53:54 GMT -5
"The Hustle"
Starring Mister Rogers as Eddie Felson, Israel "Iz" Kamakawiwoʻole as Minnesota Fats and Judy "It Could Happen" Tenuta as Eddie's girl, Sarah Packard. As Fats sets up for the winning shot, Eddie gently encourages him with, "do ya think you can make that shot? Sure y'can". Flushed with fresh confidence, Fats leans in for the kill, causing the pool table to collapse in a heap of splintered wood and torn felt. Fade to black...
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Post by gato on May 22, 2020 12:52:03 GMT -5
Titanic:
Bumbling Bob Denver as Jack Dawson, with Milla Jovovich elbowing Kate Winslet aside, as his ass kicking love interest.
The S.S. Minnow stars as the Titanic. At the end of the movie we see Gilligan being pulled into one of the lifeboats by the Professor and Thurston Howell, while Ginger, Mary Ann and Mrs Howell look on. The skipper goes down with the ship.
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Post by Peegoo 🏁 on May 22, 2020 13:51:50 GMT -5
Thelma and Louise, starring the frighteningly psychotic Tori Amos as Thelma, the delightfully-goofy-yet-inexplicably-hot Chloe Webb as Louise, Hugh Beaumont, and Jerry Mathers as The Beaver.
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Post by Taildragger on May 22, 2020 14:04:07 GMT -5
Ooops: I meant "The Hustler" and edit has timed out...
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Post by Taildragger on May 22, 2020 14:16:03 GMT -5
"Walking Tall"
Tennessee sheriff Buford Pusser (Verne Troyer) must single-handedly clean up crime and corruption in his small town. He easily kneecaps the villains with his signature T-ball bat because they expect "a bigger fella" so his low-altitude approach comes in completely "under the radar".
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Post by gato on May 22, 2020 15:33:46 GMT -5
Tarzan of the Jungle
John Candy goes crashing through the jungle canopy, breaking all the vines used for swinging ... and annoying the crap out of the apes who raised him from a piglet.
Raquel Welch portrays Jane, looking good in the furs she bought back in One Million BC, much better, in fact, than does Candy does in his motheaten BVD's.
Wesley Snipes is the irrepresible "Boy," whose sunny outlook and infectious drumming, keep the whole cast singing Hakuna Matata.
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