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Post by K4 on Jul 25, 2020 1:46:23 GMT -5
He holds his fists correctly, so someone has taught him. He wants to fight me, (and fish on the TV screen saver) I make him get a pillow for each of us and pretend to fight him. No I don't let him win, as I think that hurts more than it helps. When he does give up, I make him shake my hand and give me a hug.
The child shows sociopath tendencies outside of the wanting to fight.
I raised 6 kids and never saw this kind of behavior. I am not a fan of his father and have no idea what he is being taught when he is there.
Obviously my daughter and his father are no longer together.
I know this is pretty vague and I really don't know what I'm asking. I see a bad future for this kid and want to turn it around if possible.
Any ideas welcome.
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Post by Peegoo 🏁 on Jul 25, 2020 5:59:25 GMT -5
Perhaps his dad is really into boxing on TV or maybe that thing where two sweaty tattooed guys get into a ring and hug and roll around on the mat while they beat and kick the bejeebuz out of each other.
See if you can maybe channel his energy into something creative rather than destructive.
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Post by Mfitz804 on Jul 25, 2020 7:26:40 GMT -5
Yeah, perhaps signing up for martial arts at a young age, where he will not only learn technique but also discipline, might channel his aggression.
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Post by K4 on Jul 25, 2020 8:07:48 GMT -5
Martial arts might be a good idea.
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Post by Mfitz804 on Jul 25, 2020 8:49:49 GMT -5
If nothing else, it may teach him there’s “a time and place”.
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Post by rangercaster on Jul 25, 2020 8:52:15 GMT -5
He beat you up  Hit the gym ... Get a rematch !!! |
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Post by K4 on Jul 25, 2020 9:21:11 GMT -5
If it was just the fighting I wouldn't be worried, it is the other stuff along with it. |
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Post by Mfitz804 on Jul 25, 2020 9:23:03 GMT -5
If it was just the fighting I wouldn't be worried, it is the other stuff along with it. Well, that stuff probably has a different answer. |
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Post by rickyguitar on Jul 26, 2020 4:07:03 GMT -5
^+1
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Post by oldnjplayer on Jul 26, 2020 7:04:05 GMT -5
I worked 35 years child protective services. A couple of thoughts Please be careful using psychiatric terms like "sociopath" when describing your GS. Doing this could inappropriately saddle him with a false psychiatric diagnoses. It is always better to describe or talk about behaviors. Being aggressive is one thing, but what are the other behaviors that concern you ? Are they really that unusual for a two year old ? Are they behaviors that are being learned or taught? In my experience some of the most serious and concerning behaviors would be playing with fire or killing and torturing animals. (not regular hunting)
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Post by K4 on Jul 26, 2020 9:29:10 GMT -5
Not stuff I want to say on the internet. Definitely alarming behaviour. Deliberate defiance would be an accurate description.
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Post by LM on Jul 26, 2020 10:11:19 GMT -5
"Train up a child in the way they should go. When they get old, they will not depart from it."
By your example, provide something that he sees in you to emulate. Give him an opportunity to say, "I wanna be like Grandpa."
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Post by Taildragger on Jul 26, 2020 10:46:08 GMT -5
Not stuff I want to say on the internet. Definitely alarming behaviour. Deliberate defiance would be an accurate description. If the father is a jerk (which you seem to imply) and bitter over the break-up and any support payments he's been ordered to pay, he may be using the kid to "get back" at your daughter. If he lacks the character and maturity to do what's best for the kid rather than weaponizing him against your daughter, that's a real shame (but certainly not all that uncommon).
If he verbally disparages the mother (and/or her side of the family) frequently in the boy's presence, that could be encouraging the kid's defiance: why obey someone you don't respect? Hard to say if that is going on unless he does it in front of you (or your daughter). Add to that the hurt and confusion the child is likely experiencing over the separation of his parents: however disfunctional their relationship may have been, it constituted the only "parents" he knew and now they're no longer together. Kids often seem to think that they are the ones who've done something wrong to cause the relationship to unravel.
Lots of good suggestions already made above by others. The good thing about martial arts training (with the right instructor) is that it teaches you to only use your fighting skills after all non-violent attempts at resolving a conflict have failed and an aggressor persists. The instructor I had years ago told us, "only fight them if you can't out-run them".
The "constructive activity" suggestion sounds good, but it appears that this kid would benefit from "blowing off steam" via something strenuously physical: nobody wants to fight when they're exhausted. Plus strenuous exercise gets the old dopamine flowing which tends to make the world seem like a better place in general.
Ordinarily, some sort of organized, team sport might fill the bill since it also encourages co-ordination/cooperation with and reliance on others, but that's difficult right now due to the COVID deal. Maybe some sort of racing, wherein you compete at more of a distance or by comparing elapsed times? Running, bicycling, kayaking, maybe?
And speaking of COVID: the general anxiety level which that has brought on among adults can't be helping. Kids pick up on stuff like that even if they don't fully understand it and that won't make them feel any more secure in a family situation which is already in turmoil.
How old is this boy, BTW?
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Post by stratcowboy on Jul 26, 2020 10:54:32 GMT -5
Some good perspectives here. And, yes...these are stressful times even without the other complexities of life. What the world is currently going through is a tough overlay to all other things that need to be considered in life. And there's no escaping it...I don't care who you are or where you are. It impacts the lives we lead. So certainly in the current environment it is difficult to sort out what is going on for this child. Doesn't mean you shouldn't try. But I'm in the camp of re-channeling his aggressive energy into more productive venues--the intense, and perhaps individual, exercise route being a good one. And the grandpa role model thing is a good one, too. Lure him with something more appealing that is part of who YOU are.
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Post by Mfitz804 on Jul 26, 2020 11:11:04 GMT -5
Whole lot of opinions here based on not a lot of information.
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Post by LM on Jul 26, 2020 11:25:01 GMT -5
Whole lot of opinions here based on not a lot of information. It's al carte advice day. |
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Post by Taildragger on Jul 26, 2020 11:28:27 GMT -5
Whole lot of opinions here based on not a lot of information. Once he said he didn't want to get too specific on a public forum, I pretty much assumed that our responses would be taken for what they are: more or less generic, and that it would then be up to him to wade through them and decide what, if anything, might apply to his specific situation. |
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Post by Vibroluxer on Jul 26, 2020 12:11:22 GMT -5
If it was my kid is get him into therapy.
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Post by Auf Kiltre on Jul 26, 2020 12:32:58 GMT -5
On the one hand he is a child who has only been walking for roughly half of his life. Terrible twos. On the other hand I have seen uncorrected anti-social behavior and/or environment bear bad fruit. One circumstance I can think of is a kid who seemed to defy the odds of horrible parenting, home environment, etc. Just a sweet kid. Come the teen years it all blew up.
Tough role for a grandparent. I aspire to my wife's take on it all. Be a kind and consistent presence in their lives. Leave the parenting to the parents.
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Post by NoSoapRadio on Jul 26, 2020 12:41:56 GMT -5
IMO, two years old is a little early to get too concerned. I have four young grand daughter 2-5 years old. They are all different. All of them were a handful in different ways when they were two and the older ones have all grown out of it.
Unless he's killing kitten's or trying to crack the combo on your gun safe, I wouldn't worry just yet.
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Post by Taildragger on Jul 26, 2020 12:57:09 GMT -5
Not stuff I want to say on the internet. Definitely alarming behaviour. Deliberate defiance would be an accurate description.
How old is this boy, BTW?
Yipes: missed his age in the thread title. Note to self: do not open threads before coffee! |
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Post by K4 on Jul 26, 2020 14:30:46 GMT -5
He is probably going to be fine, but there are some red flags about his behavior. I think martial arts might be a good idea in the future just for the discipline they teach.
I will give one example, he got mad at his sister stuck his finger down his throat, and threw up on her. I witnessed this and was actively telling him not to do it.
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twangmeister
Wholenote
Posts: 349
Formerly Known As: Twangmeister
Age: 72 and fading fast.....
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Post by twangmeister on Jul 26, 2020 14:47:46 GMT -5
I agree with the early martial arts suggestion. My son, now 47, started karate at age 5 at the recommendation of my ex's boyfriend. Although I wasn't thrilled with the concept at first, my son got quite a bit out of it and stuck with it until age 14. He became more self-confident, developed better self-discipline and it improved his coordination and balance. In 42 years he only used his skills twice and only defensively, both times when he and his friends were attacked by a larger group.
Good luck.
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Post by De ville on Jul 26, 2020 17:21:11 GMT -5
He is probably going to be fine, but there are some red flags about his behavior. I think martial arts might be a good idea in the future just for the discipline they teach. I will give one example, he got mad at his sister stuck his finger down his throat, and threw up on her. I witnessed this and was actively telling him not to do it.
A small child shouldn't even know that mechanism. That's been learned/seen by the child. The decision to use that in an attic is probably a vulgar expression of dominance. I've had a strong interest in personality disorders, and Psychopathy for a while since I think I dated a Sociopath. I've learned a lot about it, and the signs. I haven't studied it in the realm of children, but I just watched this video, and I think it will give you a lot to go on.
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Post by stratcowboy on Jul 26, 2020 17:26:37 GMT -5
he got mad at his sister stuck his finger down his throat, and threw up on her. Yeah...I'd call that a pretty advanced acting-out for a 2 year-old. Had to get that kind of a specific action from someone/somewhere. |
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Post by Auf Kiltre on Jul 26, 2020 19:06:56 GMT -5
Is he exposed to older kids?
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