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Post by gato on Apr 17, 2021 6:26:42 GMT -5
The Geek the Bad and the Ugly
Clint's character Blondie, is an armed encyclopedia salesman in the old west. A man of few words because of his lifelong stutter and bashfulness, he is nevertheless, highly skilled as a gunfighter. Reaping the rewards of bounties on wanted men, he can't let go of his passion for learning. He saves Tuco from the noose and a future of illiteracy. By the final scene, involving a Scrabble game in a cemetery, Tuco is able to read without moving his lips. Angel Eyes, forfeits the game and his life to Blondie's six gun, when he tries to illegally snag a win on the Scrabble board with "bootylicious."
Tuco takes on the role of manager for his best-est buddy, because as it turns out, Blondie has a heart of glass.
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tmc
Wholenote
Posts: 903
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Post by tmc on Apr 17, 2021 16:28:13 GMT -5
A Band of Brothels
John Wayne, Steve McQueen, and Richard Simmons attempt to escape from a WWII prison camp disguised as brothel madams. Once free, they execute an ingenious operation to infect the enemy with an STD. The operation is code named: “VD-Day”.
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Post by Taildragger on Apr 17, 2021 16:38:17 GMT -5
"American Linguini": mid-1960s, coming-of-age melodrama about high school seniors who have part-time jobs in pasta restaurants. Sound track album of Sinatra, Dean Martin, Tony Bennett and Dion hits went platinum.
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Post by Taildragger on Apr 17, 2021 16:44:25 GMT -5
"The Malodorous 7": band of gunfighters with soft hearts and poor personal hygiene come to the aid of defenseless small town folk being victimized by a ruthless gang of clean freaks.
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Post by Taildragger on Apr 17, 2021 16:51:41 GMT -5
"Gunfight at the OK Chorale": Mormon Tabernacle Choir confronts the Clantons in the streets of Tombstone. During the ensuing, one-sided sing-off, the Clantons suffer irreparable hearing damage up to and including total deafness, except for Ike, who escapes with a bad case of tinnitus.
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tmc
Wholenote
Posts: 903
Formerly Known As: tmc
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Post by tmc on Apr 17, 2021 18:45:35 GMT -5
Hairy Potter
Lt. Colombo investigates a mysterious murder in an Oxnard art studio. The victim was struck in the head by a large clay urn. The only clue is the numerous hairs embedded in the clay fragments, presumably from the potter.
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Post by gato on Apr 18, 2021 5:50:46 GMT -5
Top Gump While on one of his extended runs, Forrest finds himself mistaken for his half brother Tom C. Gump. The Navy authorities hustle him onto an aircraft carrier headed for the Persian Gulf, where he discovers that he and the Navy are like peas and carrots. Tired of hearing him rambling on about his old pal Bubba, and how "shrimp is the fruit of the sea," his snickering squadron teammates give him the call sign, Sea Fruit. On his first mission, Sea Fruit (Forrest) comes unglued during a dogfight and soils himself, learning that his mamma was only half right: Life is like sitting on a box of chocolates.
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Post by Taildragger on Apr 18, 2021 11:28:50 GMT -5
"Clothes Encounters of the Third Kind":
Roy Neary (Richard Dreyfuss) an electric lineman, watches how his quiet and ordinary daily life turns upside down after he accidentally steps into a transgender bar one Friday evening on his way home from work. Heeding the siren song of his inner woman, Roy plans to travel to Devil's Tower Wyoming, hoping to find Aliens willing abduct him in order to perform gender-altering surgery.
In the mean time, he goes shopping at a Beverly Hills "specialty" boutique where he hopes to encounter dresses which are tailored to accommodate his broad, manly shoulders and narrow hips.
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Post by Taildragger on Apr 18, 2021 11:48:49 GMT -5
"Hambre":
Paul Newman's tour de force in the western genre, finds him portraying John Russell, a stoic half-breed who is shunned by the other passengers on the stage coach in which he is traveling, at least until they desperately need his gun handling expertise. Unbeknownst to the other passengers, one of their fellow travelers (played by Frederic March) is secretly carrying a briefcase full of delicious sammiches which he has embezzled from the deli at which he was recently employed. Richard Boone turns in a solid performance as leader of a ruthless band of famished cutthroats who pursue the coach passengers relentlessly, seeking to secure a meal. A wounded bandito (played by Frank Silvera) attempts to negotiate with Russell to obtain the tasty midday morsels, pleading "heyyyy...HAMBRE" but is rebuffed by Russell who states that "there are no free lunches" in a dead-pan drawl.
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Post by Taildragger on Apr 18, 2021 12:11:40 GMT -5
"Gum of Thrones":
Chronicles the life of Tyrion Lannister (played by Peter Dinklage) who, because of his diminutive stature, is assigned the thankless task of scraping the dried chewing gum stuck by a succesion of monarchs to the underside of the regal furniture.
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tmc
Wholenote
Posts: 903
Formerly Known As: tmc
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Post by tmc on Apr 18, 2021 12:20:29 GMT -5
Been Her
Kevin Spacey stars as a cross dressing Roman centurion on a quest to weed out rampant corruption in the chariot racing circuit.
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Post by Taildragger on Apr 18, 2021 12:31:34 GMT -5
"El Seed":
Charlton Heston plays the mythic, medieval, Spanish hero who led his people in the conflict fought to keep the Moors from cultivating super-potent marijuana on the Iberian Peninsula.
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Post by gato on Apr 18, 2021 15:46:50 GMT -5
The Sound of Mucus The nuns at St. Catherine's are baffled. After all, what can you do with a problem like Maria? They ship her off to be in charge of Christopher Plummer's nursing home, The Wrinkled Fetish.
She quickly leans that "doe a deer, a female deer," is actually a wad of bedpan "dough" ...most definitely not a ray of golden sun. It gets worse. Mister Gorkin in 3C is constantly showing Maria "a few of his favorite things," most of which make her nauseous .
"Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens..." turn out to be code words for yet another dinner of chipped beef on toast. Using a hairpin one night, she unlocks her bedroom door and makes a break for it, only to be tackled on the lawn by Mary Poppins, who has been an inmate there for decades.
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Post by Taildragger on Apr 18, 2021 16:33:42 GMT -5
"Troyer":
In 1250 BC, beautiful, Bronze-Age, Spartan Queen Helen (Rosie O'Donnell) leaves her husband, Manopause (Larry the Cable Guy) to run off with diminutive Prince Mini Verness of Troyer. Furious, Manopause convinces his brother, Backgammonon (Mike Meyers) , to help him get her back. Leading an army 50,000 strong, the two sail for Troyer in a 1,000-ship armada.
With the help of martial master Actsillies (Jim Gaffigan) the Greeks are able to battle the never before defeated Troyerans, but are brought to stalmate by Verness' older brother, Sphincter, Prince of Troyer (yeah: another one). Concocting a brilliant ruse, the Greeks leave a gift just outside the gates of Troyer and pretend to sail away, hiding in a marina just down the coast.
The gullible Troyerans drag the gift (a beautiful, 36', Winnebago RV with a panorama of the Grand Canyon airbrushed on its side) into the city, throw a celebratory drinking party and pass out during the wee hours of the morning. It is only then that a number of hidden Spartans emerge from the kitchen cabinets of the RV, open the city gates to admit their cohorts and commence a merciless slaughter.
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tmc
Wholenote
Posts: 903
Formerly Known As: tmc
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Post by tmc on Apr 18, 2021 16:36:53 GMT -5
The Lord of the Rungs
Turpentine swilling house painter, Gandalf Shortbrush (Nick Nolte), uses his ladder to terrorize high rise apartment dwellers in sleepy Reseda. Victims are gagged with blue tape and rolled in drop cloths.
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Post by Taildragger on Apr 18, 2021 17:11:19 GMT -5
"Roxy":
Punch-drunk, thirty-something year-old boxer (Sylvester Stallone) who has sunk to the level of "opponent" for up-and-coming club fighters decides that it's time for his career path to take a new tack. Donning a wig, pancake makeup and Dayglow scarlet lipstick, he assumes the name "Roxy Bimboa" and signs up for the girls' boxing team at a local high school, Title IX not withstanding. Severely beaten in the early rounds a bout with the reigning league champion (hey: she was one big girl!) of "her" school's crosstown rival, she digs deep and KOs her opponent with a series of devastating rabbit punches in the dramatic, closing seconds of the final round. Nose bloodied and eyes swollen shut, he/she raises his/her gloves victoriously as his/her teammates crumple to the canvas after trying to hoist him/her to their/its shoulders in triumph.
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tmc
Wholenote
Posts: 903
Formerly Known As: tmc
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Post by tmc on Apr 18, 2021 19:49:08 GMT -5
All Quiet in the Western Sizzlin
Newley promoted second shift manager, Himmelstoss, berates employees who fail to keep the buffet trenches stocked with fresh bean sprouts. Acting head cashier Katczinsky is forced to restrain him using the spiral ham machine.
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Post by Taildragger on Apr 18, 2021 20:09:49 GMT -5
"The Barn Ultimatum":
When he sleeps in past dawn, Jason's tough-as-nails farmer dad cuffs him upside the head and warns him that he'd best get after his chores "or else".
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Post by Taildragger on Apr 18, 2021 20:15:10 GMT -5
"The Road Warbler":
In the post apocalyptic Australian outback, a mysterious cop dressed in leather and football pads chases down renegade scofflaws in "the last of the big V8s" and sings songs to them whose lyrics are drawn from the criminal statutes which they have violated.
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Post by Taildragger on Apr 18, 2021 20:22:27 GMT -5
"Night of the Living Deadwood":
A century after they've all passed away, the cast of characters digs themselves out of their graves and returns to the decaying, boomtown set where the series was filmed to threaten one another endlessly with obscene language, poor dental hygiene and unsteady, menacing lunges.
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Post by gato on Apr 19, 2021 5:42:32 GMT -5
Back to the Furniture
Marty McFly and Doc Brown run a successful business, taking stuff from the future into the 1950's and selling it. A popular item, for instance, is hit LP's like "Freak Out" by the Mothers of Invention. Michael Jackson stuff .... not so much. Potential buyers get confused about the one glove thing.
Things turn bad for Marty and Doc when they try to bring a leather and chrome loveseat back to 1950, because the gull wings on the DeLorean won't close all the way, totally messing up the decimeter of the flux capacitor. They zip through time like an 8 ball on a billiard table: 1920 ... 1776 .... they finally leave the love seat with the Texan defenders of the Alamo. Davy Crockett and Jim Bowie fight over the loveseat, which leads to a time paradox. Marty and Doc spend the rest of the movie trying to get back to the Alamo so they can swap the loveseat for a beanbag chair.
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Post by Taildragger on Apr 19, 2021 11:28:43 GMT -5
"Cool Hand Luge":
Paul Newman plays Luge Jackson, a convict who tries out for the prison farm Inter-Correctional Winter Games One-Man Bobsled team. Jealous of Luge's powerful legs, which give him a stunning ability to push his sled to a good, running start, mirrored-aviator-sunglasses-wearing chain gang warden "The Man With No Thighs" (Morgan Woodward) conspires with sadistic overseer "Captain" (Strother Martin) and brooding bully convict "Dragline" (George Kennedy) to steal Luge's aerodynamic leotard which will cut precious seconds off his time, thereby eliminating his chances at a medal. Luge has the last laugh, however, when he gains a last-minute, pre-race energy boost sufficient to offset the loss of his leotard by eating 50 boiled eggs just before his heat.
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Post by gato on Apr 19, 2021 12:39:06 GMT -5
The Alamo Hotel
A stalwart Texan gets the idea to open a hotel on land claimed by the Mexican government. With ad slogans like "You won't find a better mud hut anywhere," and "Bring your own bedbugs: we don't have any," the place begins catching on. For some reason, all the guests are men, but owner William B. Travis is unconcerned. "This is 1836, he tells his investors, "these young folks are into experimentation."
One day Travis gets a telegram from Antonio Lopez de Santa Ana (Aka Santa), who claims to be a general in the Mexican army AND a president. Santa says there have been noise complaints and unmentionable goings on between lanky young men dressed in leather; he wants the Alamo to shut down.
Sensing trouble ahead, Travis sends for his hit men, Davy Crockett and Jim Bowie, who bring a strike force with them. They all carry the Kentucky Fried rifle. It's called a "muscle loader" due to the brute force of the grunting riflemen, required to stuff their balls down the muzzle.
Long story short, Santa moves to evict the tenants of the Alamo, using 2,000 or so guys from Tijuana. They're armed with inferior muskets, not rifles, but there are more of them. In a gross overreaction, Santa's men charge against the Texans, hollering "remember the Alamo," They win the day, and the hotel, which is later moved to make way for a Taco Bell.
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Post by LVF on Apr 19, 2021 13:27:23 GMT -5
'Field of Beans' inspired by the thread, 'Field of Dreams', this sequel, also starring Kevin Costner, focuses on the real field...just beyond the corn. What happens next is...beyond me. What the el do I know! I ain't no writer. What the el can you write about a 'Field of Beans'!?! Carry on...
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tmc
Wholenote
Posts: 903
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Post by tmc on Apr 19, 2021 13:49:34 GMT -5
Pail Rider
After fleeing to Tijuana, outlaw Billy O’Stool (Paul Rubens) contracts a chronic case of Montezuma’s Revenge. With a bucket mounted on top his saddle, Billy roams the Mexican desert in search of a cure.
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Post by gato on Apr 19, 2021 14:53:01 GMT -5
Days of Thunder Thighs
Fast talking Tom Cruise is putting together a roller derby team made up of muscular women with five O'clock shadow and extensive gym teacher credentials. He tries to line up competitions with male teams, like The Mighty Duck Busters, but gets no call backs. The managers are leery of having their players embarrassed by a team of barrel chested females called Tinkerbell's Roller Balls.
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Post by Taildragger on Apr 19, 2021 16:11:29 GMT -5
"The Cane Mutiny":
Rest home manager Phillip Queeg (Humphrey Bogart) begins to tarnish his otherwise-exemplary record by exhibiting questionable behavior during a series of strange events. Seeing a staff member pushing a patient in a wheelchair down the main hall, Queeg commands him to reverse course, causing the wheelchair to run over its own waste bag catheter.
Next, Queeg becomes incensed when a tin of strawberries disappears from the facility's dining room. He suspects that two patients from the Alzheimers Wing, Mr. Meatball (Lee Marvin) and Mr. Horrible (Claude Akins) are responsible for the "theft" and invokes a blanket revocation of Bingo and TV privileges.
Resentful of being punished over this unsubstantiated allegation, all the other patients plot to discredit Queeg, whom they have disparagingly nicknamed "Old Yellow Stain" because of his secret history of being a chronic bed-wetter. Head Nurse Keefer (Fred MacMurray) goads the other nurses and a janitor into wresting control of the facility from Queeg and confining him to a broom closet, while demented patients all shout and wave their canes in enthusiastic approval.
During the ensuing review of the matter by the board of trustees, Keefer all but throws his co-conspirators "under the bus" by pleading ignorance of the entire episode, claiming he was "home, sick that day". Physical therapist Barney Greenwald (Jose Ferrer) questions Queeg aggressively, forcing him into contradictory statements and eventually reducing him to a mumbling, muttering, incoherent babbler who compulsively manipulates a trio of medical reflex hammers in his hand. He is removed, under restraint, to be housed in the very facility which he had previously run.
Meanwhile, the nurses adjourn to the crafts room, where they celebrate their victory with an Ensure and bran muffin binge. Greenwald, heavily under the influence of prescription pain killers, spoils the party by entering, verbally dressing down Keefer for cowardice and dumping a loaded bedpan over his head.
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Post by gato on Apr 19, 2021 16:15:58 GMT -5
Craps Away
The sole survivor of a plane crash, Tom Hanks gets washed up on the beach of a deserted island in the Pacific. When no rescuers show up, Hanks builds an airplane out of coconuts and banana skins. This takes a number of years. Lucky for him, the cargo plane was carrying Milk Duds and potting soil. His efforts to raise a crop of natural Duds all fail and he is forced to subsist on the 3,000 pounds of candy from the plane's hold. Unfortunately, he is stricken with exquisite diarrhea with each handful. He eventually gives up on his airplane and spends his days digging elaborate latrines to accommodate his half digested Dudleys. The ditches are eventually spotted by his twin brother Don Hanks, who is on his way to the moon at the time. Don calls in to Control at Houston, and within days a ship arrives at the island to deliver 20,000 rolls of toilet paper to a grateful and totally insane Tom.
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tmc
Wholenote
Posts: 903
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Post by tmc on Apr 19, 2021 17:05:51 GMT -5
Love Me Chicken Tender
A down and out Elvis Presley, living on the streets of Southwark, ekes out an existence selling street food to support his grog addiction.
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Post by gato on Apr 20, 2021 5:28:13 GMT -5
Shaving Private Ryan
The Army discovers that the four Ryan brothers, who enlisted together at the start of World War II, got split up after Basic Training. Three of them are in the Pacific theater, and one, James Ryan is in France. While the three fighting on Okinawa have kept themselves clean shaven, word reaches the Pentagon that James has grown a beard. A lieutenant who can't stop drumming his fingers is given the mission of locating James Ryan and making him shave. "If he won't do it, says General George C Patton, "then you hold him down and do it for him!"
The lieutenant, who looks a lot like Tom Hanks, hand picks a squad including a guy who speaks Pig Latin, and goes off the find Ryan. They have several adventures along the way including one involving a teenage girl from Kansas and her little dog Toto.
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