To be continued ... one page stories

I'm assuming that Bruce will be deducting the cost of trailer damage from his young ward's allowance...

Upstairs, closely watching the security footage, Alfred immediately realized what was happening: the Riddler had done it again, deftly replacing Cat Woman's ugly sister, with the obese sibling of their nemesis, Fat Woman. And then, using a Jedi mind trick, had convinced young Robin that this refugee from the Isle of Blubber, was marriage material.

He shuddered, visualizing the misshapen offspring that would result from such a union, but then snapped his fingers as he recalled that Robin played for the Other Team. It still surprised him that Bruce Wayne was unaware of his partner's flamboyant lifestyle. Didn't he notice that Robin's tights were just a bit too stretched and that his codpiece glowed in the dark?

Still, there was the immediate problem at hand ... what to do with Fat Woman's bloated sister. In a flash, he remembered that Batman had not yet turned in the U-Haul trailer used in Robin's move. Perhaps instead of having 50 revenge pizzas delivered to the Riddler's doorstep, he could use the Bat Fork Lift to trundle Fat Woman Junior into the U-Haul, and trick the Riddler into thinking he was receiving an Amazon order!

Mayberry

Deputy Barney Fife switched off the red rotating gumball on the top of the Mayberry cruiser, and returned to the body slumped near the front tire of the patrol car. He glanced both ways, up and down the dusty road. Seeing no other cars approaching, he dropped to one knee to check the pulse of the motorist he had brought down with his stun gun. Good deal ...heartbeat and breathing normal. Gomer Pyle groaned softly as Barney stood and prodded him in the ribs with his spit shined shoe.

He had intended to let the gangly mechanic off with a warning, but oh, no ... Gomer had to go spouting off with his wince inducing nasal twang, reminding Barney that he had just finished his stint with the Marine Corps, and said, "I be fixin' to have me a Barney Fife hood ornament on my truck." It was during his exit from the truck that Barney had unleashed the Talon Taser under Gomer's chin, felling him like poleaxed moose.

Reaching in to put Gomer's too recognizable truck in neutral, he rolled it off the shoulder into the drainage ditch, followed by some boughs from a pine tree he hacked off with his boot mounted Bowie knife, to temporary disguise it.

Without fanfare or undue effort, Barney quickly lifted Pyle off the ground and then face down on the back seat of the prowler. He stuffed a sock in Pyle's mouth and then strung some zip ties together,  to effectively hogtie his prisoner. In a minute he was in motion, driving back into Mayberry, where he parked in the alley near Floyd's barbershop, a dozen feet from the town's only payphone.
"It's me," he said softly when he heard the familiar voice at the other end, choir music audible in the background. "Don't tell me it's too soon, he barked, "I didn't have any choice." A moment of silence, and then Aunt Bee's acceptance. "All right, Barney, I'll make room in the freezer, but remember we haven't finished carving up Helen Crump yet. And I still need those potatoes and carrots."