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Post by Jim D. on Dec 17, 2020 16:01:49 GMT -5
A blonde walks into a library and up to the librarian behind the counter. In a loud voice the blonde asks for a cheeseburger and fries. The librarian politely explains this is a library. The blonde leans forward and whispers “sorry, I’d like a Cheeseburger and fries.”
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BigBadJohn
Wholenote
I Lurk, therefore I am.
Posts: 222
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Post by BigBadJohn on Dec 23, 2020 16:58:35 GMT -5
A deer a skunk and a giraffe walk into a bar. After a couple of rounds the bartender gives them the bill. The deer says "I can't pay I don't even have a buck." The skunk says "All I have is a scent." Giraffe says "I guess the highballs are on me!"
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michael
Wholenote
Recent Retiree
Posts: 620
Age: old enough to know better and not care
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Post by michael on Dec 24, 2020 1:45:10 GMT -5
i just received this one...
a man on a bus took a picture from his pocket and said to the man sitting next to him... "look at my wife! isn't she the MOST beautiful woman you've ever seen in your life?" his neighbor looked at the picture and said: "if you think THAT'S the most beautiful woman in the world YOU should see MINE!" the first man replied: "she must be a real knockout!" Nah, the 2nd man answered... "she's an Optician"
<groan>....
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BigBadJohn
Wholenote
I Lurk, therefore I am.
Posts: 222
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Post by BigBadJohn on Oct 20, 2022 16:47:54 GMT -5
A husband and wife who work for the circus go to an adoption agency looking to adopt a child, but the social workers there raise doubts about their suitability.
So the couple produce photos of their 50-foot motor home, which is clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery.
The social workers are satisfied by this but then raise concerns about the kind of education a child would receive while in the couple’s care.
The husband puts their mind at ease, saying, “We’ve arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin, and computer skills.”
Next though, the social workers express concern about a child being raised in a circus environment.
This time the wife explains, “Our nanny is a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet.”
The social workers are finally satisfied and ask the couple, “What age child are you hoping to adopt?”
The husband says, “It doesn’t really matter, as long as the kid fits in the cannon.”
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Post by Peegoo 🏁 on Oct 20, 2022 17:27:46 GMT -5
Q: What did one Dorito farmer say to the other Dorito farmer?
A: "Cool ranch!"
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BigBadJohn
Wholenote
I Lurk, therefore I am.
Posts: 222
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Post by BigBadJohn on Dec 23, 2022 8:34:28 GMT -5
A lady walked into a pharmacy and told the pharmacist that she needed some cyanide. The pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, 'I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, 'You didn't tell me you had a prescription.'
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