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Post by gato on Jan 5, 2020 17:29:57 GMT -5
The shortest line will be the longest. (Otherwise everyone else would be on it)
If the package says "only 60 calories per serving" ... there are at least 28 servings in the whole package. (bet you can't eat just one)
Flat tires and dead batteries occur when they can least be tolerated.
The UPS guy waits around the corner until you either step into the shower, or drive to the market. (the porch pirate waits 100 yards behind him)
The people waiting at the door at 8:58 AM for the 9:00 AM opening of the store, are the same ones who blast by you on the road, and then end up waiting longer at the red light than you do.
The 6' 7" movie patron with the bushed-out hair, won't sit down directly in front of you until the film begins.
The envelope that arrives bearing the warning "Last Chance" isn't fooling anyone. Its cousin will arrive tomorrow.
The guy with the flashing turn signal, waiting for a parking space right next to the front door of the gym, doesn't understand the concept of exercise. Or irony.
Red curbs that are marked, "No Parking Any Time," are actually put there by the manufacturers of emergency flashers for cars.
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Post by Chris Greene on Jan 5, 2020 17:31:43 GMT -5
Damn, so true.
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JDC
Wholenote
I STILL say: "If it ain't broke, don't fix it"
Posts: 528
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Post by JDC on Jan 5, 2020 17:47:56 GMT -5
Must all be codicils to Murphy's Law
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Post by Pinetree on Jan 5, 2020 17:49:02 GMT -5
People who put their very lives at risk to pull out in front of you, will turn within 100 feet.
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Post by Peegoo 🏁 on Jan 5, 2020 17:55:26 GMT -5
A bad attitude is like a flat tire: you're not going very far until you change it.
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Post by rkstrat on Jan 5, 2020 18:06:45 GMT -5
When you are hoping to encounter a red light to check something, all the lights are green.
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Post by HenryJ on Jan 5, 2020 18:12:06 GMT -5
When you are hoping to encounter a red light to check something, all the lights are green. So true! |
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Post by K4 on Jan 5, 2020 18:12:46 GMT -5
People who put their very lives at risk to pull out in front of you, will turn within 100 feet. If they don't turn, they will go 20 Mph slower than the posted limit |
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Ryder
Wholenote
Butterscotch Blues
Posts: 859
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Post by Ryder on Jan 5, 2020 18:15:47 GMT -5
Those are all great. You guys are goooood!
The person making a left turn in front of you to get ahead always slows down once he's in front of you!
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Post by Taildragger on Jan 5, 2020 18:34:38 GMT -5
•"Check engine" lights are the dealership service department's bread and butter.
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Post by Taildragger on Jan 5, 2020 18:36:13 GMT -5
•The prep is worse than the procedure (and we all know which "procedure" I'm referring to...)
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Post by Taildragger on Jan 5, 2020 18:53:59 GMT -5
•The parents of the screaming 2-year-old will, without fail, find the table next to yours in the restaurant.
•Contrary what some believe, "morning breath" is not an aphrodisiac. Nor is "kimchee breath".
•The amount in hair growing from a man's nostrils, eyebrows and ears increases in direct proportion to the decrease of same on top of his head.
•Like similar magnetic poles, the oil draining from your crankcase and the container intended to catch it repel one another vigorously, insuring that the majority of the dirty lubricant will wind up on your garage floor and/or driveway.
•The price of gasoline increases in direct proportion to the number of miles you will need to drive immediately following a fill-up.
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Post by K4 on Jan 5, 2020 19:16:50 GMT -5
I remember my grandfather opening the oil drain on the old Alice and letting the oil drain on the grass. I asked him why he didn't catch it in a bucket.
He said, "I'm just putting it back where it came from"
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JDC
Wholenote
I STILL say: "If it ain't broke, don't fix it"
Posts: 528
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Post by JDC on Jan 6, 2020 0:51:05 GMT -5
..any unusual engine noise(s) made by a car will magically disappear the moment the vehicle is driven into a mechanic's service bay.
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Post by gato on Jan 6, 2020 8:00:01 GMT -5
"No user serviceable parts inside" means "if you ever figure out how to get the panel off this thing, we're screwed."
The panhandler who asks for 50 cents knows that if you reach in your pocket, he gets a dollar. (when was the last time you saw a half dollar?)
Disconnecting the battery in the car "before attempting repair" isn't what real men do.
Those "Leave Shopping Carts Here" areas are a hoot. Shopping carts are like women; you leave 'em where you finished with 'em.
The women blocking the meat display with their carts at the grocery store are vegetarians. They want you to give up and buy summer squash instead.
The guy who stumbles up to the bandstand and requests to sing a song for his girlfriend, will embarrass himself. And her. And you for allowing it!
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Post by jonnyblooz on Jan 6, 2020 12:27:07 GMT -5
The EBay listing that states LAST ONE in perpetuity while their warehouses are overrun with stock.
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Post by Mikeyguitar on Jan 6, 2020 12:41:15 GMT -5
•The prep is worse than the procedure (and we all know which "procedure" I'm referring to...)
Painting the dining room?  |
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Post by Vibroluxer on Jan 6, 2020 13:48:35 GMT -5
You don't mix bleach with Dawn.
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Post by LTB on Jan 11, 2020 14:47:12 GMT -5
On a Highway a person putting on their left turn signal is really just a means of telling the poor guy in the lane to their left they need to speed up as soon as they see it!
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cagey
Wholenote
My guitar doesn't have the same notes as yours
Posts: 110
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Post by cagey on Jan 11, 2020 14:56:39 GMT -5
Beauty times brains equals a constant
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Post by Peegoo 🏁 on Jan 11, 2020 15:00:15 GMT -5
Never mix brake fluid with granulated pool chlorine.
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