|
|
Post by gato on May 19, 2020 15:12:45 GMT -5
My Favorite Martian
Masquerading as Tim Ohara's eccentric Uncle Martin, this visitor from the red planet triggers a veritable mirth-quake whenever his twin antennae become erect. Ohara (Bill Bixby) must constantly come up with new excuses for Uncle's embarrassing anatomical abnormality.
Dragnet
Laconic Joe Friday and his step-daughter Detective Tuesday, rescued from the the perverted Adams Family, work the night shift in 1950's Los Angeles. In the third episode, Tuesday is forced to take down her old nemesis Lurch, when they respond to a disturbance at the Adams mansion. With no Lurch to change his Depends, Grandpa is written out of the Adams script for the rest of the season.
|
|
hilltop87
Wholenote
My Strat is my friend
Posts: 885
|
Post by hilltop87 on May 19, 2020 15:39:04 GMT -5
Damn Gato you are good.
|
|
|
|
Post by gato on May 19, 2020 15:47:35 GMT -5
Roy Rogers
Now that Trigger is dead and stuffed, Roy has fallen back on his stallion's offspring, Tigger. (Tigger, pleeeze!)
At his side, androgynous Dale plods along the Happy Trail riding his/her mare, Mrs. Butterworth.
In this episode, Roy's sidekick Pat is “up-armoring” his Jeep, Nellie Bell for a confrontation with some black hats from the Shady Parts Saloon.
Roy intercedes by walking into their lair with his guitar and the biceps of Dale to back him up. Fisticuffs ensue, with the requisite chairs being broken and scattered about.
By the end of the show, Dale has switched back to soprano for their 'til we meet again theme song.
|
|
|
|
Post by Taildragger on May 19, 2020 17:09:01 GMT -5
"I Love Lucy"
Cuffed to the shower curtain rod in the bathroom of his office at the club, Ricky appears to be on the verge of being dismembered with a chainsaw by vicious Columbian drug dealers (Vivian Vance and William Frawley). Lucy, armed with an M4/M203 bursts through the office door, wide-eyed and shouting in exaggerated pigeon Spanish, "leh me intro-dyooce you to my lil' fren'!". A high rate of fire and mass casualties ensue while the laugh track rolls on, seemingly unabated. A horrified Ricky must then "esplain" that it was all just a prank, intended to teach her a lesson about nosing into his business at work.
|
|
|
|
Post by gato on May 20, 2020 6:00:09 GMT -5
The Incredible Hulk
Cross dressing scientist David Banner, (Bill Bixby) traumatized following the death of his wife, drowns his sorrows with high levels of gamma radiation that turn him into a bulked up version of Mrs Doubtfire, played by body builder Lou Ferigno.
TV viewers are in awe each week, as Banner bursts out of the dowager underwear of his clandestine nemesis, including rolled up stockings and Playtex girdle.
In episode 6 (Part 2) Mrs Doubtfire is working undercover as a pole dancer at a dive called the Cat's Meow.
The bartender has figured out that something isn't quite right about the Jolly Green dancer and her supposed husband, Banner. (Nothing gets past this guy). He and Banner wrestle over a test tube of anti-testosterone that will cure Banner. Mrs Doubtfire makes her roaring appearance and the bartender is turned into bread pudding.
|
|
|
|
Post by Taildragger on May 20, 2020 10:23:19 GMT -5
"Star Trek"
Kirk (William Shatner) is faced with a dilemma: relinquish command of the Enterprise immediately or disengage from his current battle with Kang the Klingon (Michael Ansara) and return to Star Fleet Headquarters to undergo sensitivity training, his compulsion to grope every female (human or alien) he encounters having finally caught up with him.
Lt. Sulu takes this opportunity to register a formal damand that trans-gender bathrooms be installed on every Star Fleet vessel.
McCoy (DeForrest Kelly) offers to perform cosmetic surgery on Spock (Leonard Nimoy)'s ears and implant pectoral muscle enhancements to make him more buff in appearance in keeping with his super-human strength.
Meanwhile, Spock (still Leonard Nimoy) demands a starship of his own to command, based on the logic that he is owed compensation for the fact that Vulcans are not present among the Enterprise's crew commensurate with their numbers as a percentage of the population of the entire known universe.
Scotty (James Doohan) must simultaneously work frantically to bring the warp engines within emissions standards (after the Enterprise fails it's smog check) and also to find a humane, environmentally-safe, non-invasive, homeopathic, dolphin-friendly remedy to deal with a stubborn Tribble infestation in the engine room.
Chekov (Walter Koenig) files a defamation suit with hate crimes enhancements against Uhura (Nichelle Nichols) after she relentlessly teases him about his fake-sounding Russian accent and bad posture.
Meanwhile, the Klingon Empire quietly overtakes The Federation as the dominant power in all quadrants without ever having to fire a single shot.
|
|
|
|
Post by rangercaster on May 20, 2020 11:27:36 GMT -5
The Man From U.N.C.L.E ...
Napoleon and Illya fall in love...
They quit the spy business,and move to Greenwich Village, where they open a pricey boutique mens clothing store ...
|
|
|
|
Post by rangercaster on May 20, 2020 11:39:38 GMT -5
I Dream of Jeannie ...
Tony comes home and finds Jeannie and Roger engaged in some extra-curricular activity on the living room couch... Jeannie, sensing that things could ugly fast, banishes Tony to wherever, and she and Roger split for Vegas ...
|
|
|
|
Post by gato on May 20, 2020 12:03:01 GMT -5
Adam 12
Having abandoned his classic Corvette on Route 66, Martin Milner cruises the mean streets of Los Angeles, as Officer Pete Malloy in a beat up black and white patrol car belonging to LAPD.
His rookie partner, Jim Billy Bob Reed is described by Malloy as a dumbed down version of Gomer Pyle. Growing up in the Ozarks the backward kid can't get over the cigarette lighter in the car's dash, and frequently shocks himself by jamming his finger in the electrified socket. Victims of crimes and even suspects, are often confused by the smoke wafting off of Reed when he steps out of the cruiser, dazed, finger blackened, but ready to take care of business.
In an episode called, “Do I Amuse You,” ( guest appearance by Joe Pesci) our intrepid officers respond to a “see the man” call in midtown. Temement owner Bosco Floyd (Pesci) complains that the occupant of room 23, an orangutan, is six weeks behind paying rent and needs to be escorted back to the circus. Reed gets the Banana Taser out of the trunk and the officers attempt to pry the recalcitrant ape from his digs. The fur flies, Malloy loses his toupee and Reed thinks about his girl back home. We see flashbacks of the tire swing and some bare bottomed skinny dipping, before Reed gets clocked by the rampaging circus escapee that is last seen scaling a drain pipe to the roof. Adam 12 moves out, ready for the next challenge.
|
|
|
|
Post by Taildragger on May 20, 2020 12:29:04 GMT -5
"CHIPS"
Panch (Eric Estrada) twisting to check out his own jodhpur-clad backside as he poses in a full-length mirror, throws his L5 out so badly that he must retire on full disability at the tender age of 29.
As a result, broken-tailight scofflaws run rampant on our state highways as John struggles to keep up on his lonesome.
|
|
|
|
Post by gato on May 20, 2020 12:33:52 GMT -5
Knight Rider
Infrequently sober David Hasselhoff stars as Michael Knight, a billionaire crime fighter saddled with an artificially intelligent Trans Am, that calls itself KITT. Together they work for an organization called FLAG (Fat Lazy Arrogant Goobers).
A precursor to Siri, KITT can't keep his friggin' motor mouth shut for two seconds, and is constantly getting Knight into all kinds of trouble with his blurted out one-liners: "you and what army?" "Your sister looks like Jaba the Hut." "You want some of this?"
In Episode 7, Knight (channeling Hasselhoff) gets drunk and loses KITT in a game of strip poker. KITT realizes that Knight is sitting in front of a mirror the whole time, playing against himself, but only giggles. Later, when a still tanked and naked Michael Knight, is pulled over in a school zone, KITT uses Michael's voice to ask the officer, "Hey, want to see my FLAG?" Knight goes to jail and KITT, left on his own, purrs on down to a Honda dealer to trade exhaust gasses with a cute little Accord.
|
|
|
|
Post by rangercaster on May 20, 2020 12:52:38 GMT -5
"The Simpsons"
Police Chief Wiggum has to shut down Moe's for remaining open illegally during the mandated shutdown
... the evicted patrons agree to go home, and continue their usual silliness online...
Bart and Lisa cook up a very successful bootlegging business...
Homer is in rehab, so they need the income...
|
|
|
|
Post by rangercaster on May 20, 2020 13:02:22 GMT -5
Yeah,gotta agree withya ... but that Taildragger ain't too bad either ... |
|
|
|
Post by Taildragger on May 20, 2020 13:04:43 GMT -5
"Barney Miller"
The bass-hook-heavy opening music of the show is changed to ad a segue into "The Godfather Theme" after swarthy goombah thugs descend on the station house and garrot Fish at his desk for betraying the Corleone family to the Tattaglias and Barzinis.
Lovable simpleton Wojo searches the streets fruitlessly for his bad toupee after a pickpocket he was booking deftly absconds with said cranial upholstery.
Harris resigns to pursue lucrative house flipping full time while Yemana begins courting Fish's newly widowed wife, the captivating Bernice, hoping that a jar of kimchee will win her heart.
Unlikable I.A. Lieutenant Scanlon finally nails Barney for his icecream truck shakedown via which he has skimmed fudgesicle profits in exchange for "protection" for years.
Sgt. Dietrich and Officer Levitt are left to do crosswords, play checkers and discuss modern American literature in the now nearly deserted squad room.
|
|
|
|
Post by gato on May 20, 2020 13:09:19 GMT -5
Brady Bunch
You take three boys and mix them into a made up family wtth three girls, telling them, “behave yourselves, you're related.” Riiiiiiiight … like that's gonna work.
Mike and Carol Brady have their hands full trying to keep the pseudo siblings apart at all hours. When caught with his hand in Marcia's cookie jar, Greg claims they were just wandering the house, trying to find a bathroom that has a toilet. (spoiler alert: there isn't one).
Alice backs up Greg, pointing out that the Cleavers have a similar problem …. except that Wally's Beaver is nothing like the one being pursued by Greg.
|
|
|
|
Post by gato on May 21, 2020 5:40:12 GMT -5
Partridge Family
“C'mon get happy,” isn't going to cut it with family matriarch Shirley Partridge.
She's just weaning herself off of crack, when Danny introduces her to Oxy. Before long, every time she gets behind the wheel of the bus, the group winds up at yet another “pain clinic” where she loads up on hillbilly heroin.
Heartthrob Keith has his own set of problems. Unable to say no to any lingering stage door groupie, he's now using Laurie's makeup to conceal a growing herpes sore on his lip.
Desperate for cash. Mama Partridge makes a deal to sell small fry Tracy and Chris to a Detroit pimp, only to find out Danny had already sold them in Miami a week earlier.
In Episode 22, “Band on the Run,” the Partridge Family struggles to stay one step ahead of “Shoo Fly,” the Detroit hustler who gave up the cash to Shirley, but never got his pair of musical munchkins.
David and the band perform Madonna's “Like a Virgin,” for the very first time.
|
|
|
|
Post by Taildragger on May 21, 2020 10:54:39 GMT -5
I had kind of envisioned the Partridges more as a "wholesome" Gangsta Rap group.
But since Shirley is now 86, I'm not sure that I really want to see her "twerk"...
|
|
|
|
Post by gato on May 21, 2020 11:01:13 GMT -5
Annie Oakley
He had pinned his hopes on daughter Annie being a crack shot, but it turns out the girl can't hit the broadside of a barn. Undaunted, Selmar Oakley starts building bigger and bigger barns for Annie to shoot at. In about a year, with eleven barns on his property, he figures out that all he had to do was have Annie shoot at the side of the barn from inside. Her fame is instantaneous, and crowds numbering in the thousands come to see this female wing nut blasting away over her shoulder, blindfolded and firing while riding a goat. She literally can't miss!
But on the eve of Ringling Brothers coming to see the act, Annie runs off with Amelia Earhart, who has lured the naive mid-westerner away with promises of flying halfway around the world to see Japanese pearl divers, on an uncharted island in the Pacific. I think we all know how that turned out.
|
|
|
|
Post by HenryJ on May 21, 2020 11:39:51 GMT -5
Brady Bunch
The Brady Bunch becomes the Brady Cult of 25 members after producer Sherwood Schwarz gets a laptop computer with an i5 processor, enabling 25 people to appear on the screen.
After upgrading to i7, the Brady Cult grows to 49.
(Zoom reference)
|
|
|
|
Post by gato on May 21, 2020 15:16:39 GMT -5
Lone Ranger
Why does he sport a pair of skin-tight pants and chrome plated six guns? Why does he wear a mask in the wild frontier? According to companion and part-time Indian Tonto de Faye, “Kemosabe not want to attract attention.”
Together, they brave the sage brush and cactus, bringing justice and punishing evil doers and all without two nickels to rub together.
With Tonto's tom-toms and Kemosabe's tap dancing as a cover, the two dashing crime fighters haunt the saloons and brothels of 19th century American badlands.
In the mid-season episode, “I'll Show You Mine”, Kemosabe has been kidnapped by Lash La Ruby, a whip snapping exotic dancer, who has mistaken the masked man for his ex-husband, months behind in spousal support payments. Alas, rescue of the Ranger is delayed, as Tonto de Faye is busy in town having a much needed bikini wax at Madame Toussad's House of Waxing.
|
|
|
|
Post by Taildragger on May 21, 2020 19:32:47 GMT -5
I will go to my grave wondering how The Lone Ranger ever managed to stuff a dozen elaborate disguises into his saddle bags along with a week's worth of clean socks, clean underwear, rations, his Outer's gun-cleaning kit, assorted silver bullet casting tools, his laptop, a toothbrush, deodorant, pots, pans, a coffee pot, silverware and shaving gear.
What an efficient packer!
|
|
|
|
Post by gato on May 22, 2020 5:47:10 GMT -5
Right you are, TD.
And then at the beginning of every show, he cajoles Silver into doing that dump truck move, and all his baseball cards come tumbling out.
Lucky he had the disgruntled Tonto right there to pick up after him.
|
|
|
|
Post by HenryJ on May 22, 2020 12:37:34 GMT -5
Peanuts
Yeah, I know they were a comic strip, but they also had animated TV specials.
As a child, Peppermint Patty had a friend named Marcie who always addressed her as "sir."
Now that she is an adult, Peppermint Patty is now known as simply "Pat." She sports a buzzcut, has put on weight, and now everybody, upon meeting her for the first time, addresses her as "sir."
|
|
|
|
Post by gato on May 22, 2020 13:13:23 GMT -5
Speaking of strip to cartoon:
Popeye
The iconic sailor man has told Olive Oyl “blow me down” one too many times. She warns, “I hope you don't expect this from me once we're married!”
A distraught Popeye turns to Bluto, who he met in the Navy. Bluto has long been his street level supplier of the spinach he smokes in his pipe, as well as a man Popeye suspects of being “a little light in his loafers.”
Popeye and Bluto playfully arm wrestle before the big fella drags Popeye into some bushes by the public restroom.
When Olive shows up for her date with Popeye, she hears him in the bushes with Bluto, moaning, “that's all I can stands cuz I can't stands n'more!”
She stalks off and hooks up with Wimpey, despite his unhealthy eating habits. Wimpy ends up as best man at Olive's marriage to Jack from The Shining.
|
|
|
|
Post by rickyguitar on May 22, 2020 17:23:19 GMT -5
I had envisioned the Twilight Zone as more of an uneventful flight, relaxing train ride, caring neighbors, successful surgery kind of program.
|
|
|
|
Post by gato on May 24, 2020 6:19:52 GMT -5
Six Million Dollar Man
Severely injured in a demolition derby, Colonel Steve Austin (no relation to Colonel Sanders) finds himself strapped to a table next to Robocop, where parts are being swapped out. He overhears the scientists saying, “we have the technology, we can make him stronger, faster … we can make him marry Farrah Fawcett.”
|
|
