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Post by gato on Jan 10, 2020 8:08:46 GMT -5
I'm kidding, of course, but the social scales do seem a bit askew: in my state you need a license to be a massage therapist or hair stylist, but produce and raise children? No experience necessary. On the job training is sufficient. Trial and error rules the landscape.
These days it seems that children who become relatively stable adults, do so in spite of their parents rather than because of them.
I'm not advocating for state-run nurseries, but wouldn't it be nice if parents had at least a basic course in child rearing, before taking the plunge? After all, the mistakes they make in child rearing, crank out the sociopaths, psychopaths and narcissists the rest of us are left to deal with.
Personally, I'd rather see my tax dollars go to financing parenting classes than hiring more prison guards.
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Post by HenryJ on Jan 10, 2020 8:32:34 GMT -5
Oh, I think having a daddy in the picture makes a huge difference. Chris Rock has been quoted as having said "If a kid calls his grandma 'Mommy' and his mama 'Pam', he's going to jail!"
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Post by Leftee on Jan 10, 2020 8:33:52 GMT -5
I remember a sociology professor once saying that humans are the only species that don’t inherently know how to parent.
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matryx81
Wholenote
I think I know the reason but I can't spell it.
Posts: 779
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Post by matryx81 on Jan 10, 2020 8:36:51 GMT -5
Oh, I think having a daddy in the picture makes a huge difference. Chris Rock has been quoted as having said "If a kid calls his grandma 'Mommy' and his mama 'Pam', he's going to jail!" I agree 100%. |
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Post by Harleyboy on Jan 10, 2020 8:38:26 GMT -5
Some of the things I see in public places makes me wonder "Who raised this kids parents?".
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Post by davey28 on Jan 10, 2020 8:50:46 GMT -5
Oh, I think having a daddy in the picture makes a huge difference. Chris Rock has been quoted as having said "If a kid calls his grandma 'Mommy' and his mama 'Pam', he's going to jail!" That is the funniest Chris Rock joke I have heard! Hilarious. |
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Post by Peegoo 🏁 on Jan 10, 2020 9:11:14 GMT -5
It's no different today than when we were wee brats; our perspectives on this are the product of our experience.
When you were four years old, there were geezers looking at you and your ilk and wondering, "why is there no requirement for a parenting license?" Not all of us were juvenile miscreants, of course. Just like today: there are actually more than a few good kids mixed in with the toxic little bastids.
What's doubly goofy to me is that every parent was once a kid, so logic dictates successive generations would improve (evolve?) as parents, based on past experiences with positive and negative role models. But this is not reality. It's counterintuitive, actually.
When I encounter a problem child in public and the parents seem to be out of options to control their brat, I'm more amused by it rather than bothered. My thoughts are, "I have to endure your little punk for only a few minutes (or a few short hours on an aeroplane, etc.); you have the rest of your pathetic life to deal with it, and it's your fault. Enjoy!"
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 10, 2020 10:16:43 GMT -5
"Should parenting require a license?"
If that were they case there would be very few children.
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Post by hushnel on Jan 10, 2020 10:24:17 GMT -5
I don’t know, but when I was a child it was more like “it takes a tribe”. I grew up with some serious unsupervised time yet when I was out attempting stupid stuff invariably mom knew about it by the time I got home.
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Post by gato on Jan 10, 2020 10:24:27 GMT -5
Having to get a marriage license doesn't seem to prevent people getting hitched, so I'm guessing getting a license to squeeze out offspring would not put a crimp in production levels. Of course, it might depend on the license requirements.
"Are you willing to devote more time to parenting than to playing video games?"
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Post by rok-a-bill-e on Jan 10, 2020 10:39:40 GMT -5
Everyone gets a class in child rearing by being reared. You learn to either emulate your parents or to do the exact opposite. But you either give a damn about your offspring or you don't, and if you don't then nothing can change that.
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Post by gato on Jan 10, 2020 10:46:36 GMT -5
I hear ya Rok, my point was in just exposing potential parents to basic information.
"Jethrine, did you hear what they said in that there class? There's ways to punish a child without putting cigarette burns on his arms!"
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 10, 2020 12:20:02 GMT -5
Some of the things I see in public places makes me wonder "Who raised this kids parents?". Bingo. The most upsetting to me is the kid giggling in a restaurant and the parent yells at them for disturbing other patrons, while the issue was never the kid. I feel bad for the child being disciplined for something so innocent and the irony of the parent making a scene. Meanwhile, someone else isn't saying a word during a candy crush marathon on their phone while their feral offspring are climbing over the booths. However, I never wanted to raise my child the way I was raised (in fear). People's idea of being a good parent are going to differ. My divorce is partially proof of that - when I became a dad I had a reason to stand up for what I believe in. No longer an agreeable doormat I stood up for my child - it's a long story. I don't agree with some things my ex has done. But she doesn't agree with me either. So, how do you license something that is so personal? |
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Post by slacker 🐨 on Jan 10, 2020 14:56:38 GMT -5
Raising kids isn't really hard. There are a few basic guidelines that get you 90% of the way there. - Set rules and enforce them. Don't give in because it's easier...it may be easier to cave now, but it's a road to ruin long term. If you tell them to stop something and they don't...make them stop. Otherwise rules become optional from their perspective.
- Be consistent. If it's a rule today, it's a rule tomorrow.
- Don't try to be their friend. If you kid never says "I hate you" (esp as a teen), odds are you're doing it wrong.
- Give them chores - pick tasks that are age appropriate, but make sure they have responsibilities.
- Ensure they do the tasks correctly or make them re-do it.
- Praise them when they do well. Kids get burned out on nothing but negative feedback.
We repeatedly had people in restaurants stop and compliment us on how well behaved our kids were when they were young. We've also gotten compliments when they've visited friends. We weren't super strict with them, but we set reasonable rules that ensured they were not annoying to us and were unwavering. (We learned this from a couple we hung out with whose kids were great. When we asked, they said they just raised their kids so that they could stand to be around them). We did not have to use corporal punishment for the most part. I think they all got a spanking or two, but it was super rare and more symbolic than physical. If they were in timeout, they stayed until we said they could be done. I have a niece who puts kids in timeout, but the kid immediately gets up and they let them, then they wonder why their kids are hellions. The "downside" of this is that our family is really close. My adult kids are at me house at least once a week. My daughter in college calls regularly. |
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Post by Peegoo 🏁 on Jan 10, 2020 16:10:18 GMT -5
^^^ Ya done GOOD!
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Post by rok-a-bill-e on Jan 10, 2020 16:16:20 GMT -5
-----" in my state you need a license to be a massage therapist or hair stylist,--"
Work to get rid of those stupid licenses rather than add new ones. They are about nothing but the fees and protecting chosen industries from competition. A license to blow-dry hair? A license to brush down a horse? Be a tour guide? Personal trainer? Give diet advice? It goes on and on. Nonsense!
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Post by garyweimer on Jan 10, 2020 18:49:43 GMT -5
Parenting - you do it once, you don't know the mistakes you made for 20 years, and you can't go back and do things over. Even with more than one child, it's basically the same process, even if it's running in parallel.
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Post by Lefty Rev on Jan 11, 2020 0:23:38 GMT -5
Lots of good (no - great - esp. slacker) advice here.
Basically, if you want to raise kids, make the full commitment. I don't mean to the kids, I mean Mom and Dad to each other. Fight like you-know-what to stay married, and every statistic shows that you will have done the most critical thing to raising successful, happy productive members of society (we raised four or 'em - two boys and two girls; we now have 4 grandkids).
I was talking with a member of my church who stopped by my office today: he's 65 and I'm 62. We were talking about "when we were kids," and about how you can't even spank kids today without looking over your shoulder! We both got spanked when appropriate...the reality is, when it's done when needed/appropriate, it doesn't have to happen very much. I know some will disagree with me on this, that's fine, I'm open to whatever works (short of the cigarette burns...).
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Post by LTB on Jan 11, 2020 0:44:02 GMT -5
I don’t know, but when I was a child it was more like “it takes a tribe”. I grew up with some serious unsupervised time yet when I was out attempting stupid stuff invariably mom knew about it by the time I got home. You must have lived in a small town LOL |
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Post by rickyguitar on Jan 11, 2020 1:23:48 GMT -5
Hmmmm...high school class. Not home ec but family dynamics? Jeez I dunno....
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Post by Opie on Jan 11, 2020 6:46:20 GMT -5
A really good parent will be able to control their progeny 95% of the time without the need to spank, but the other 10% of the time spanking works wonders. It's akin to rebooting an unruly hard drive, it magically resets the brain. Usually the kid thinks,what the hell was I thinking of. Add a dose of shame, and bingo ya got yerself a real human!
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Post by K4 on Jan 11, 2020 6:49:37 GMT -5
I keep trying to give my kids advise, usually ending the comment with; Don't make the same mistake I did, make your own. They never listen cause at that age they know it all.
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Post by HenryJ on Jan 11, 2020 10:58:28 GMT -5
Lefty Rev makes a VERY good point about parents committing to each other. Our pastor has said that the best gift a man can give his kids is to love their mother. And I agree.
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Post by hushnel on Jan 11, 2020 11:41:36 GMT -5
Not too often, San Antonio where I was born, for three months, Norfolk England for three years, Brooklyn for 5 years, Hollywood Florida for 1 year, Jacksonville Florida for 3 years, Weisbaden Germany for 3 years, Washington DC for 1 year, Pittsburgh PA for 1 year. Graduated High School then didn’t settle down until I landed the Job in Bio-Medical Engineering in 1983. Retired in 2012.
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Post by Auf Kiltre on Jan 11, 2020 12:12:53 GMT -5
We all tend to be quick in judging parenting skills from brief encounters with people. Snot nosed Jimmy and his moron parents are recurring roles with different actors. I'm betting we've all made our cameos.
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Post by Lefty Rev on Jan 11, 2020 13:27:39 GMT -5
We all tend to be quick in judging parenting skills from brief encounters with people. Snot nosed Jimmy and his moron parents are recurring roles with different actors. I'm betting we've all made our cameos. Oh yeah - absolutely! How many of you have experienced this: you're with your family, seated around a table at a restaurant. You reach across the table for the salt, and your kid ducks and winces! Thanks a lot, kid! |
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Cassie Play
Halfnote
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Post by Cassie Play on Jan 11, 2020 13:33:54 GMT -5
Maybe I'm wrong but when I was a kid that was called a marriage license?
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Post by LTB on Jan 11, 2020 14:14:07 GMT -5
License? Maybe some should not be parents but not up to the government to dig their little fingers and noses into our lives unless a child is being abused.
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