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Post by Peegoo 🏁 on Nov 22, 2020 15:28:29 GMT -5
I figured he could use the help.
Okay, what corny joke do you have?
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Post by Think Floyd on Nov 22, 2020 15:56:45 GMT -5
Q: What's green and goes "Slam, Slam, Slam, Slam"?
A: A four door pickle!
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Post by roly on Nov 22, 2020 16:02:17 GMT -5
What do you call a camel with no humps?
Humphrey
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Post by NoSoapRadio on Nov 22, 2020 16:09:52 GMT -5
I figured he could use the help. I admit it took me a minute to get that. |
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Post by Mfitz804 on Nov 22, 2020 16:26:40 GMT -5
Bear and a rabbit are taking a dump in the woods.
Bear asks, “do you have a problem with crap sticking to your fur?”
Rabbit answers “no”.
So the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his butt with it.
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Post by Auf Kiltre on Nov 22, 2020 16:57:45 GMT -5
One I heard last night watching The Crown (as told by Prince Charles and an assist from Camilla). A bit long.
A bloke goes bear hunting and spots a huge beast, aims and fires. The bear is nowhere to be found and suddenly the hunter feels a tap on his shoulder and there behind him is the massive bruin. "I'll give you a choice, I eat you right here and now, or you let me have my way with you". The hunter in a panic decides on the latter and disrobes. The bear has his way and the hunter hobbles away.
The next day the hunter returns with a bigger gun and again spots the bear. He shoots and the bear disappears. Tap,tap on the shoulder and again, the bear gives his ultimatum. When all is done the hunter crawls away in shame and agony.
The next day the hunter shows up with a bazooka and spots the bear and *BLAM*. The smoke clears and the hunter is certain he has annihilated his adversary. Suddenly he feels a tap on his shoulder and there is the bear, who asks "You're not in this for the hunt, are you?"
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Post by LesTele on Nov 22, 2020 18:02:47 GMT -5
What’s brown and sticky?
A stick.
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Post by Peegoo 🏁 on Nov 22, 2020 18:16:53 GMT -5
Q: What's brown and sounds like a bell?
A: DUNG!
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Post by Peegoo 🏁 on Nov 22, 2020 18:22:02 GMT -5
Q: Why is it possible to only "ran" (not run) through a campground?
A: Because it's past tents.
6:30 is--hands down--the best time on a clock.
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Post by Peegoo 🏁 on Nov 22, 2020 18:29:22 GMT -5
Someone stole the toilet from a local police station's restroom. Thus far, the cops have nothing to go on.
Having sex in an elevator is fun on many levels.
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Post by Ragtop on Nov 22, 2020 22:38:30 GMT -5
What’s brown and sticky? A stick. Wow. That was the first joke I told my son about 25 years ago.
He laughed his skinny little arse off!
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Post by Ragtop on Nov 22, 2020 22:40:04 GMT -5
What's the difference between an elephant and a flea?
An elephant can have fleas, but a flea can't have elephants.
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Post by Mfitz804 on Nov 22, 2020 22:55:47 GMT -5
What's the difference between an elephant and a flea? An elephant can have fleas, but a flea can't have elephants. Whats the difference between a piano and a fish? You can tune a piano, but you cannot tuna fish. |
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Post by Ricketi on Nov 22, 2020 23:00:16 GMT -5
How to Catch a Polar Bear
Find a frozen lake
Dig a hole in the ice
Surround the hole with frozen peas
Hide nearby
When the bear stops by to take a pea, run up behind him and kick him in the ice-hole!
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Post by Mfitz804 on Nov 22, 2020 23:06:51 GMT -5
How to Catch a Polar Bear Find a frozen lake Dig a hole in the ice Surround the hole with frozen peas Hide nearby When the bear stops by to take a pea, run up behind him and kick him in the ice-hole! This is my kind of humor. |
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Post by rickyguitar on Nov 22, 2020 23:59:55 GMT -5
What's the difference between fish and meat?
If you beat your fish it will die.
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Post by Peegoo 🏁 on Nov 23, 2020 0:47:28 GMT -5
My friend's bakery caught fire yesterday. His business is toast.
The church caught fire? Holy smoke!
How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.
What did the hungry clock do? It went back four seconds.
[Latino magician, who vanished without a trace]: "Uno! Dos! ..."
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professor
Wholenote
"Now I want you to go in that bag and find my wallet." / KMMFA
Posts: 621
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Post by professor on Nov 23, 2020 10:11:00 GMT -5
Did you hear that Rhonda accidently backed into the fan?
Ohmagerd, what happened?!
Disaster!
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Tequila Rob
Wholenote
Posts: 683
Formerly Known As: Guitar Fool
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Post by Tequila Rob on Nov 23, 2020 21:57:46 GMT -5
John Wayne and Rock Hudson are in heaven..
John says to Rock:
Ya know partner...it don't matter if you smoke em or you poke em....
those butts will kill ya
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Post by Peegoo 🏁 on Nov 24, 2020 0:17:38 GMT -5
I'm writing a book on anti-gravity technology. It will be impossible to put down!
Someone broke into my neighbor's house and stole all their light bulbs. Needless to say--they're delighted.
Yeah, I'm addicted to drinking brake fluid...but I can stop anytime I want.
Q: What's the difference between a Zippo and a hippo?
A: One weighs about a ton, and the other is a little lighter.
Ruth rode on my motorbike
Directly back of me
I hit a bump at 65
And rode on, ruthlessly
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Post by rickyguitar on Nov 24, 2020 1:48:29 GMT -5
Why was 6 afraid of 7, because 7 8 9.
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Post by Riff Twang on Nov 24, 2020 4:51:07 GMT -5
Australian scientists have crossed a sheep with a kangaroo. Now they have a wooly jumper.
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Post by jazzguy on Nov 24, 2020 12:51:59 GMT -5
I'm writing a book on anti-gravity technology. It will be impossible to put down! Someone broke into my neighbor's house and stole all their light bulbs. Needless to say--they're delighted. Yeah, I'm addicted to drinking brake fluid...but I can stop anytime I want. Q: What's the difference between a Zippo and a hippo? A: One weighs about a ton, and the other is a little lighter. Ruth rode on my motorbike Directly back of me I hit a bump at 65 And rode on, ruthlessly I used to have the Limerick book, great fun @ parties. The original goes; Ruth and Johnny Side by side Went out for an auto ride. They hit a bump Ruth hit a tree And John kept going ruthlessly |
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Post by Auf Kiltre on Nov 25, 2020 20:44:32 GMT -5
Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?
Because it didn't habanero.
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