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Post by jhawkr on Jul 1, 2021 17:02:07 GMT -5
Really? Could you be a little less specific? That’s like saying, “I’m a skilled worker”. If you don’t want to say you don’t want people to know what you do, say that! I have heard that “I’m a consultant, I do consulting” twice in as many days it needles me the wrong way!
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Post by Leftee on Jul 1, 2021 17:14:32 GMT -5
“I make lots of money but I have no benefits.”
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Post by Harleyboy on Jul 1, 2021 17:24:14 GMT -5
Another way to say this might be "I know something about the boss"
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Post by Leftee on Jul 1, 2021 17:56:28 GMT -5
“I don’t get along with co-workers so I went into business for myself.”
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Post by themaestro on Jul 1, 2021 18:11:45 GMT -5
OK, here's a consultant joke I ran across quite a while ago.
A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the shepherd... "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?" The shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answered "sure".
The yuppie parked his car, whipped out his IBM ThinkPad and connected it to a cell phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on the internet where he called up a GPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database and an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he prints out a 130-page report on his miniaturized printer then turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1586 sheep. "That is correct; take one of the sheep." said the shepherd. He watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his car.
Then the shepherd says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my animal?", "OK, why not." answered the young man. "Clearly, you are a consultant." said the shepherd. "That's correct." says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?" "No guessing required." answers the shepherd. "You turned up here although nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked, and you don't know crap about my business...... Now give me back my dog."
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Post by rickyguitar on Jul 1, 2021 19:02:38 GMT -5
Lol
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Post by gato on Jul 2, 2021 5:09:43 GMT -5
I watch videos of people watching consultants consult.
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Davywhizz
Wholenote
"Still Alive and Well"
Posts: 444
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Post by Davywhizz on Jul 2, 2021 6:14:34 GMT -5
I do advertise myself (though only on Linkedin) as a consultant. I can't think of a better term, wish I could. I use my almost 40 years of work experience to help organisations in the same territory solve problems, train their staff, update their policies...If I can't help, I don't do it; if I know someone better qualified I recommend them. I sometimes define a consultant as someone who borrows your watch then charges you for telling them the time: there's a lot of truth in those jokes. What annoys me most is that it's always the biggest charlatans who seem to get the highest fees.
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Buster
Wholenote
Posts: 213
Formerly Known As: Buster Strings
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Post by Buster on Jul 2, 2021 6:41:38 GMT -5
The company I work for has paid large amounts to various consultants through the years for the same information they could have gotten for free simply by asking their own front-line workers.
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Post by fkaJimmySee on Jul 2, 2021 7:39:44 GMT -5
My bride is a consultant who works in motion pictures and television. That makes her a bit of a hired gun.
I told her she needs business cards with a rook on it that says, "Have Gun Will Travel. Wire _____________."
Her pitch is to give her your most intractable unsolvable most enduring story and character problems and she will solve them today, or tell you why they are "non-getoverables." And she does. There are lots of people in her field that can identify the problem, but she can solve it. That is a unique skill. The president of a division of a major international content creator once called her the "script physic." She is.
She has written 11 books on her methods and process of analysis, which she sells direct from her web site. All of it is original work developed during the decade she taught at the graduate level in the screenwriting program at UCLA Film School. Giving credit where credit is due, her academic mentor when she was a grad student at UCLA Film School in the 1990's was the wonderful and brilliant Howard Suber.
Unless it is work from a recurring client that we know, I insist she get paid in advance, because once she has identified the issues, unraveled the problems, and presented a path forward, it seems so obvious that there is a risk she would not get paid. But it's not obvious or else they would not have called.
She also does individual script consultations with motion picture and television writers and producers. When she takes a project, she frequently does not even read the script. Her view is the problem is not what is on the page, it's what is NOT on the page. That comes out during conversations with the writer. They identify the problems and explore solutions together.
Along the way, she's worked on two or three Academy Award winning movies (one of which came together around our dining room table), and television series all around the world. Most recently, she advised on a series that ran in the US on Masterpiece Theater, and worked as development executive on a Norwegian detective show (season two) now shooting.
All her work everywhere is in the English language. Pretty much everyone in the field speaks English. And as she says, she speaks "television."
A fringe benefit of her work is its given us the opportunity to make friends with very smart interesting talented people and to travel extensively throughout much of the western world.
It's certainly an unusual consulting career.
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Post by Leftee on Jul 2, 2021 7:53:02 GMT -5
We poke fun at "consultants," but there certainly are formidable ones. 😎
I'm a consultant (for our dealers) although I do work for the company. I make no claims to being a great consultant. I do still have a job and dealers who seem to like what I do.
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Post by Peegoo 🏁 on Jul 2, 2021 9:26:27 GMT -5
I worked for 15 years as a technical advisor/consultant/systems analyst. I think the term 'consultant' has taken on a disparaging identity because there are plenty of consultants that tap their pencils on their desks and ponder lofty thoughts, while plenty of others are rolling up their sleeves and getting the really hard work done. I've conducted and written numerous manpower studies, business case analyses and mission change proposals, but not without having done the work. Through it all I learned that a workforce is fairly reticent to change, even when the business process is flawed. People get comfortable doing what they do and the gatekeepers love their little fiefdoms. Changing a work culture is a lot like steering a huge ship: spin the helm and it takes five miles to turn around.
I've also seen a lot of companies that do consulting for the gubmint that make a lot of noise and raise dust but produce no substance.
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Post by jhawkr on Jul 2, 2021 9:40:33 GMT -5
My whole point here was that “consultant”, without some unique qualifier tells you nothing about what a persons actual claim of expertise is. It is like a doctor listing without a field of expertise. Would you go to a doctor specializing in proctology for a cardiac issue? The MD needs to be more specific. So does a consultant.
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tmc
Wholenote
Posts: 907
Formerly Known As: tmc
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Post by tmc on Jul 2, 2021 9:54:49 GMT -5
My whole point here was that “consultant”, without some unique qualifier tells you nothing about what a persons actual claim of expertise is. It is like a doctor listing without a field of expertise. Would you go to a doctor specializing in proctology for a cardiac issue? The MD needs to be more specific. So does a consultant. I agree. Otherwise, it's like going to the grocery store and buying a package labeled "meat". |
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Post by fkaJimmySee on Jul 2, 2021 14:27:21 GMT -5
My whole point here was that “consultant”, without some unique qualifier tells you nothing about what a persons actual claim of expertise is. It is like a doctor listing without a field of expertise. Would you go to a doctor specializing in proctology for a cardiac issue? The MD needs to be more specific. So does a consultant. But that's the job of the hiring party to figure out whether the consultant has the skill set and experience to be helpful -- like hiring any other professional. As we've noted, all it takes in Hollywood to be a producer is a business card. |
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Post by Peegoo 🏁 on Jul 2, 2021 15:32:55 GMT -5
My whole point here was that “consultant”, without some unique qualifier tells you nothing about what a persons actual claim of expertise is. It is like a doctor listing without a field of expertise. Would you go to a doctor specializing in proctology for a cardiac issue? The MD needs to be more specific. So does a consultant. Well...qualifications do matter. Generally, it's 'personnel management consultant', business management consultant', etc. About the only catch-all job title that's 100% accurate is millwright. These folks know mechanics, electronics, hydraulics, pneumatics, engineering, process management, and about a million other things. If you need help with a particularly vexing issue, call in an old millwright. |
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