|
Post by fkaJimmySee on Mar 11, 2022 15:30:35 GMT -5
They call him the pianist 'cause he drinks the most beer.
Now, your turn.
|
|
|
Post by rickyguitar on Mar 11, 2022 15:39:44 GMT -5
Perfect pitch is throwing a banjo in a dumpster without hitting the sides.
|
|
argo
Wholenote
Posts: 400
|
Post by argo on Mar 11, 2022 15:45:46 GMT -5
I think I heard this from one of you guys.
The Accordion player forgot to lock his car when He went into the restaurant. Sure enough when He came out there where 3 more accordions in there.
|
|
BigBadJohn
Wholenote
I Lurk, therefore I am.
Posts: 222
|
Post by BigBadJohn on Mar 11, 2022 15:46:07 GMT -5
The stage is level when the drool coming out of both sides of the (insert musician here) is equal.
|
|
|
Post by modbus on Mar 11, 2022 15:48:07 GMT -5
How do you make a duck a jazz musician?
Put it in the microwave until it's Bill Withers.
|
|
JDC
Wholenote
I STILL say: "If it ain't broke, don't fix it"
Posts: 528
|
Post by JDC on Mar 11, 2022 17:24:54 GMT -5
An oldie: (my apologies to those who may play the instruments I chose. Actually any instrument can be subbed in).
Q:If you toss a banjo and an accordion off a cliff, simultaneously, which will hit the ground first?
A: Who cares?
|
|
|
Post by Auf Kiltre on Mar 11, 2022 17:40:25 GMT -5
How do you get a guitarist to play quieter?
Put a chart in front of them.
|
|
|
Post by Taildragger on Mar 11, 2022 17:40:41 GMT -5
What kind of music do mummies prefer? wRap...
What music do balloons fear most?
Pop...
|
|
|
Post by jazzguy on Mar 11, 2022 17:41:29 GMT -5
2 trombone players play a gig in a bar and the bar owner says can you do it again same day next year? the trombone players say sure, can we leave our stuff here?
|
|
|
Post by jazzguy on Mar 11, 2022 17:42:53 GMT -5
rock guitar players play 3 chords to 100,000 people jazz guitarists play 100,000 chords to 3 people [ask me how I know]
|
|
|
Post by Rick Knight on Mar 11, 2022 17:44:23 GMT -5
A guy on a jungle safari hears ominous drumming in the distance. His guide appears unconcerned but the guy becomes increasingly uneasy as it continues to get louder and more manic. Suddenly it stops and the guide says “This is very bad.” The guy asks what it means and the guide says “The bass solo is next.”
There is one about a banjo sounding best when hitting an accordion as it lands in the dumpster. Or maybe it was an accordion sounding best when it hits a banjo while landing in the dumpster?
|
|
|
Post by themaestro on Mar 11, 2022 17:51:52 GMT -5
Be careful what instruments we are making fun of!
|
|
|
Post by Auf Kiltre on Mar 11, 2022 17:53:35 GMT -5
Not a musician joke but I worked with an old timer that could've been a standup comedian. While working he'd just blurt out random things. One I remember was "I've had a request, but I'm gonna sing anyway".
|
|
|
Post by roly on Mar 11, 2022 18:19:20 GMT -5
How many Tele players does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, it's already too bright.
|
|
|
Post by fkaJimmySee on Mar 11, 2022 19:16:00 GMT -5
What's the best way to meet a musician?
Order a pizza.
|
|
|
Post by fkaJimmySee on Mar 11, 2022 19:16:28 GMT -5
What do you call a musician who broke up with his girlfriend?
Homeless.
|
|
|
Post by Lesterstrat on Mar 11, 2022 20:31:50 GMT -5
Why is a pizza better than a musician? The pizza can feed a family.
|
|
|
Post by RufusTeleStrat on Mar 11, 2022 22:03:35 GMT -5
How do you know your drummer is at the door? The knocking speeds up and slows down randomly.
What time does the drummer get to band practice. Just like everything else, he is always late coming in.
|
|
Davywhizz
Wholenote
"Still Alive and Well"
Posts: 443
|
Post by Davywhizz on Mar 12, 2022 7:33:52 GMT -5
I told my mother I want to be a musician when I grow up. She said you can't do both.
|
|
|
Post by rickyguitar on Mar 12, 2022 8:46:30 GMT -5
How do you know when the singers at the door? Easy, can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in.
|
|
|
Post by Auf Kiltre on Mar 12, 2022 8:49:48 GMT -5
How do you locate a band on a photo shoot?
Find the nearest railroad track or brick wall with graffiti.
|
|
|
Post by HenryJ on Mar 12, 2022 8:50:48 GMT -5
There there's that Gary Larson cartoon:
"Welcome to Heaven. Here's your harp."
"Welcome to Hell. Here's your accordion."
|
|
|
Post by Auf Kiltre on Mar 12, 2022 9:12:43 GMT -5
How do you find a singer-songwriter in Nashville?
You call out "oh waiter"!
|
|
|
Post by Peegoo 🏁 on Mar 12, 2022 9:32:18 GMT -5
Q: How do you get a guitar player off your porch?
A: Pay for the pizza.
|
|
|
Post by Peegoo 🏁 on Mar 12, 2022 9:37:37 GMT -5
Q: What is the difference between a guitar player and god?
A: God doesn't think he's a guitar player.
|
|
|
Post by Peegoo 🏁 on Mar 12, 2022 9:39:26 GMT -5
Q: What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
A: Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.
|
|
|
Post by Peegoo 🏁 on Mar 12, 2022 9:44:41 GMT -5
Q: What's the definition of "relative minor?"
A: The banjo player's girlfriend.
|
|
Ragpicker
Wholenote
I'm playing it in a different key
Posts: 336
|
Post by Ragpicker on Mar 12, 2022 9:45:11 GMT -5
Kinda long but worth it
So a musician dies and is standing at the pearly gates. St.Peter says to him , I see you were a good person and you are a musician ! Well here in heaven you get to play with the best cats that ever played. The best guitarists , pianists , the best horn players , Hendrix, Miles . The musician says wow thats great but there's gotta be a downside right ? St.Peter says , well God's got a girlfriend and she thinks she can sing.........
|
|
|
Post by Auf Kiltre on Mar 12, 2022 10:00:28 GMT -5
Kinda long but worth it So a musician dies and is standing at the pearly gates. St.Peter says to him , I see you were a good person and you are a musician ! Well here in heaven you get to play with the best cats that ever played. The best guitarists , pianists , the best horn players , Hendrix, Miles . The musician says wow thats great but there's gotta be a downside right ? St.Peter says , well God's got a girlfriend and she thinks she can sing......... Ok, that one cracked me up.
|
|
|
Post by Peegoo 🏁 on Mar 12, 2022 10:21:11 GMT -5
^^^ YOKO ALERT! ^^^
|
|